Scene opens with four people standing around a grave decorated with blue flowers. A blue helmet sits on the tombstone. This is the grave of the Blue Trooper, a member of the Starlight Troopers, who was recently slain in battle by the Troopers’ nemesis, GALACTICORE. The four remaining Troopers, RED, YELLOW, GREEN and BLACK, are visiting his grave to pay their respects for their fallen comrade. Each of the Troopers is dressed in mostly black, but with a few items of their individual colors on their person. For example, Yellow may have a yellow parasol or handkerchief. This does not apply for BLACK, of course, who would be wearing all black either way. Each Trooper’s color corresponds to their personality, and all of them are teenagers. Red is a rambunctious, fiery boy. Yellow is a girly girl. Green and Black’s genders do not matter, but Green has to be black, as he is the team’s token minority. The MAYOR is presiding over the funeral and finishing his speech.
MAYOR: And so we, with hearts heavy in our chest, must say farewell to one of the finest young men to ever grace our fair city. He was a scholar, a citizen, a brother, a son, a friend, and most of all, a hero. And though he has gone, Barney Azure, the Blue Trooper, will forever be with us, and his memory will live on in the efforts of the remaining Starlight Troopers. And now, the leader of the Starlight Troopers, Red, will say a few words. (The Mayor steps down and Red takes his place.)
RED: Thanks Mayor bro. And I’d like to take a minute to thank everyone who came out to say sayonara to our most awesomest bro today. You’re all pretty cool dudes. Blue was a pretty cool dude too. I’m gonna miss him. We all will. Even though Blue is gone, he’s still with us. In our hearts.
YELLOW: (Sobbing) Really Red? Is that true?
RED: Of course, Yellow. We shared some good times together, us and him, and we’ll never forget them. Like that time we saved the city from that giant dinosaur. Or that time we saved the city from that giant robot. Or that other time we saved the city from a giant robot. If Blue hadn’t figured out that the giant glowy power core was the weak point, we never could’ve won! He was always pretty smart like that, with his glasses and all. I wish I had glasses, then I would be smart too. (He stares off into space for a moment, thinking of the possibilities, then snaps back to reality.) Now, even though Blue is gone, fair citizens, the City will still be safe under the combined protection of the Starlight Troopers. The forces of the evil Galacticore are no match for us! Troopers, form up! I’m Red! (He assumes a goofy position)
YELLOW: (Still sobbing) I’m Yellow.
GREEN: I’m Green! (There is a silence.) I’m Green! Uh…
BLACK: We can’t form up without Blue, you idiots.
RED: Oh, right! What’ll we do? (He thinks) Oh, I know! We can ask Blue!
BLACK: Blue’s dead.
RED: Oh. Bummer.
BLACK: Just dust in the wind in the meaningless void that is life. Some day we will join him. Perhaps that day will be today. I can only hope.
YELLOW: Hey, I’ve got an idea!
RED: What is it, Yellow?
YELLOW: All we need to do is… (She removes the helmet from the grave and places it on the Mayor’s head) Accessorize!!! (Clapping her hands together) Yay!
RED: Excellent! Now the cheer can commence!
MAYOR: I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with this, Troopers. It seems a bit… disrespectful. Blue just passed and all and I-
RED: Starlight Troopers, form up! I’m Red! (Strikes the same pose)
YELLOW: I’m Yellow!
GREEN: I’m Green!
MAYOR: I’m, uh… I’m Blue.
BLACK: I’m Black.
GREEN: Me too! (Winks at the audience and gives them a thumbs up.)
ALL: Starlight Troopers, by the power of friendship!
BLACK: Do we really need that last part?
GREEN: Oh, not this again.
RED: Black, we’ve discussed this before! Friendship is where all of our power comes from! Friendship is the greatest thing ever!
YELLOW: Even greater than shopping.
RED: And you know how much Yellow loves shopping.
BLACK: I just don’t think it’s something we should include in our chant is all. Our chant is supposed to be the creed of the Starlight Trooper, and it represents everything we stand for. Saying we stand for friendship is both childish and incorrect, as one or more of us may want nothing to do with the subject.
RED: Man, I wish I had glasses, because I was not even close to being smart enough to understand that.
BLACK: What I’m saying is that it’s more than likely friendship may not represent the ideas of each individual Starlight Trooper.
RED: Lost me again, bro.
BLACK: I’m saying I don’t like friendship! (All gasp loudly. This is sacrilege.)
YELLOW: Black, how could you say that?!
RED: See? This is why things barely even spark when you hit them.
BLACK: That’s because I use weapons to fight monsters instead of my fists, like you guys.
YELLOW: I don’t really like using my fists either. I could break a nail.
MAYOR: Uh, Troopers? Weren’t we supposed to be mourning the loss of Blue? (They ignore him)
BLACK: Weapons like this. (He takes out a pistol. The others are horrified.) You know, useful inventions of the modern age. Why are we still using kung-fu? What are we, Asian?
GREEN: There’s nothing wrong with being Asian.
YELLOW: Black! Put that scary gun away, please!
BLACK: (He does) What’s the point of fighting all these monsters anyway?
RED: Well to protect the city of course!
BLACK: Every time we kill one monster, another one shows up the next day. What’s the point? It’s all meaningless. Just like our lives.
RED: What do you mean “kill,” dude? We don’t “kill” the monsters. We defeat them! With the power of friendship!
BLACK: No, we kill them. We hit things until they explode. That’s killing them.
YELLOW: But nobody ever really dies in our battles!
BLACK: (Points to Blue’s grave.)
YELLOW: He lives on in our hearts!
BLACK: I have no heart.
RED: I think you’re just in a sour mood. You know what would cheer you up?
BLACK: I swear to god, if you say “a song” I’m going to-
RED: A song! (Music starts to play)
I believe in friendship, like I believe in you!
And if there’s one thing that I know that will always be true,
it’s that Red, Yellow, Green, Black and Blue
Will be together always, through and through~!
ALL (Except Black): Yeah!
BLACK: Except Blue is dead, so that song is a lie. (Music stops abruptly.)
RED: Dude, you’re such a bummer.
YELLOW: (Sobbing again) Black! Stop being such a meanie! You’re making me cry!
BLACK: Your mascara is running.
YELLOW: (Bitter) So is yours!
BLACK: (Genuinely concerned) …Is it? (He checks.) Hah. My mascara is fine. It’s a shame Blue’s armor wasn’t as strong as my tear ducts, huh?
RED: Bro! Not. Cool.
GREEN: Can’t we all just get along, guys?
(The Troopers begin to bicker and the Mayor looks really uncomfortable. Suddenly a large man in a tuxedo with enormous purple ram’s horns sticking out of his head enters from stage left holding a bouquet of blue flowers. It is Galacticore, the scourge of the Starlight Troopers! Dun dun dun!!!)
GALACTICORE: Oh, I’m so sorry I’m late. Whoa. Did I come at a bad time?
ALL: (Gasp) Galacticore!
GALACTICORE: Uh, yeah. Hi.
RED: Galacticore! We meet again! And you look even more evil than the last time I saw you!
GREEN: Now Red, you shouldn’t judge people based on their appearances. (Directly to the audience) That’s wrong.
YELLOW: Eek! Save me Red Trooper!
RED: Don’t worry Yellow! We can totally defeat Galacti-dork! With the power… of friendship! Starlight Troopers, Comet formation!
(All of the Troopers except Black assume ridiculous battle positions. The Mayor runs off in terror.)
GALACTICORE: Whoa there guys, whoa. I, uh. I didn’t come here to fight. I just wanted to… uh. Pay my respects.
GALACTICORE: Yeah. And I wanted to… uh. Apologize.
RED: Whoa, really?
GALACTICORE: Yeah, um. I’m sorry. About the… you know. The death laser. I mean, I… (He begins to cry) I didn’t mean for it to hit him! It was an accident! (Galacticore drops the bouquet and buries his face in his hands.) I only used the laser so you guys would think I was cool! I never actually meant to hit anyone!
RED: Golly swolly, Galacticore! I never knew! I’m sorry.
YELLOW: Me too!
GREEN: I thought you looked cool, Galacticore.
GREEN: Yeah. Everyone looks cool, in their own special way. Everyone is equally cool. Everyone is equal.
GALACTICORE: Thanks, guys! Y-you know, even though we’re worst enemies, you guys are my best friends!
RED, GREEN, and YELLOW: Aww!
YELLOW: Group hug! (Everyone group hugs except for Black, who stands of to the side and gags)
BLACK: (Walks over to the grave) Oh, how I wish I was in your place, Blue.
RED: You guys know what this calls for?
BLACK: Please don’t.
RED: A friendship song!
RED: Once we were enemies, now we are friend-a-lies
And we will explore the skies and seas
Your turn Galacticore!
GALACTICORE: Oh, but I’m no good at singing…
RED: We believe you can do it!
YELLOW: And if you believe hard enough, anything is possible!
GALACTICORE: Well… okay!
Having fun on water skies, chasing after birds and bees,
All these are possibilities
We can do together~!
In any weather!
Nothing can break our tether!
BLACK: (Removes his pistol and shoots Galacticore in the face, killing him instantly.)
RED: Black, what have you done?!
BLACK: What? I killed Galacticore. Isn’t that what we’ve been trying to do all along?
RED: Maybe before! But now he’s our friend!
BLACK: He killed Blue!
RED: You need to learn to forgive people!
YELLOW: B-but Red, he’s not really dead, is he?
RED: No, of course not. Galacticore’s spirit will live on in my heart.
BLACK: (Shoots Red in the chest) Looks like his spirit’s homeless now.
GREEN: Black, what have you done?! (Green and Yellow gather around Red’s body.)
YELLOW: Red? Red!!! Tell me you’ll be okay!
BLACK: Look at all that blood. I guess that’s why he was Red. I’m leaving the Starlight Troopers. I can’t take this anymore. If anyone’s wise enough to follow me, then I’ll be wandering among the graves. (He exits)
YELLOW: Tell me you’ll be okay, Red! Please!!! If you believe in anything hard enough, it’ll happen right?
GREEN: (In shock)
YELLOW: Right? I… I believe… I believe… I believe…